RVHer

Archive for May 20th, 2010

It’s Not You. It’s Me.

I ain’t gonna lie; I went in to the 2nd annual NuRV Gathering with high hopes and those hopes were dashed on the rocks on the first official day. Clubbed like baby seals, beaten like red-headed stepchildren, shall I go on? I was surrounded by the groovier-than-thou and I felt like I was in high school (Fuck you, DeSoto. I hated you then. I hate you now. Especially you, KURT. And you, MISSY.) all over again. I was thisclose to saying, “Fuck this noise. I’m outta here.” Seriously, here I was thinking that I was going to find kindred spirits and other outsiders and be able to be something awesome and what did I find? I found these teched out, dreaded out, hipped out (www.liveworkdream.com) way-better-than-Mes and I stepped right back into my head and died a little.

BUT, but here’s the thing: Those rocks my hopes were dashed on? Not real. The clubbing and beating? No one did that to me. I did it to myself. All that bullshit I’ve been carrying since grade school and high school, in particular, I’m still carrying. And it sucks. I swear to the universe that this, “No matter where you go, there you are,” is truth. I have been trying to leave ME somewhere else and damn it, I keep showing up.

So, to you, the NuRVers, my most humble apologies for not giving you the credit you deserve and for assigning you my issues. You were all, to a person, open and honest and forgiving and giving and sharing. Thank you for opening my eyes. Y’all rock.